連休中に久しぶりに帰省した知人に会った。二つ下だが６５歳で定年になり少しゆっくりしたいと、再就職もしなかったとか。退職金も出たが家のローンの返済で半分くらい消えたとか、仕事している時は早く退職したいと思ったようだが、いざ仕事を辞めて毎日が日曜日になると、仕事に行っている奥さんがすごくうらやましく見えたそうだ。あれもしたい、これもしたいと思っていたらしいがコロナでその夢はかなわず、ほんとにいつもの日曜日の連続の毎日なようで、今回この帰省が旅行気分だそうだ。
私に「いつまで働く気か」と聞かれて「今年から預かった生徒もいるから、明日辞めるというわけにはいかないけれど、生徒がいるうちは働こうと思っている・・・」と話した。なんか羨ましそうに私を見るので、「なんかやりたいことはないのか？」と聞いたら「今は別にない、それがまた辛い・・・」という話であった。
働いている時は早く休みになればと思う自分がいたが、働らかなくても良くなったらなんで何もしたいことが無くなる自分になるのかと思うと、何のために老後があるのか、とか考えてしまうそうだ。
「この歳になってやりたいことが山ほどあって、それに向かった努力している！」なんていう人は果たして積極的なのか、いや欲の塊ではないのか、あの世までも貯めた財産を持って行って閻魔様に貢ぎ、天国へでも行かしてもらおうと思っているのか・・・など思ってしまう。
やりたいことが無くても腹は減るし夜になると眠たくもなる。だから、定時に起きて定時に三度食事して定時に寝る事だけ決めて置いたら、あとは自由で良いのではないか。でもその自由な間の時間がまた何もすることが無くて苦痛になるのだろうと思うと、やっぱり何か趣味でも持つ方が良いようにも思うが、その趣味にどっぷり浸かってしまうと、お金がかかったりストレスが溜まったりもするから、その加減が難しくも感じる。
人生８０年なら私はあと１３年しかない。１００歳まで生きて３３年だ、その時知人のように「することがない毎日」を生きながらえて送っていれば幸せなのだろうか・・・などと思いながらわが手相をじっと見る私である。
俺には明日もすることがある、うれしい・・・
Everyday I don't have anything I want to do
I met an acquaintance who went home for the first time in a long time during the holidays. He is two years younger than me, but he said he wanted to take some time off after his retirement at the age of 65, and he did not get another job. He had a retirement bonus, but half of it disappeared when he had to pay back the mortgage on his house. When he was working, he wanted to retire as soon as possible, but when he quit his job and every day became a Sunday, he was very envious of his wife who went to work. He wanted to do this and that, but his dream was not fulfilled in Corona, and his days are just the same as usual Sundays.
When asked by me how long he would work, he replied, "I have students starting this year, so I can't quit tomorrow, but I'm going to work as long as I have students..." He looked at me enviously and said, "I'm not going to quit tomorrow, but I'm going to work as long as I have students. He looked at me enviously and asked, "Is there anything you want to do?" I asked him if there was anything he wanted to do, and he replied, "Not at the moment, and that's also hard.
When I was working, I wished I could take a vacation sooner, but when I don't have to work anymore, I wonder why I don't want to do anything anymore.
He said, "At my age, I have so many things I want to do, and I'm working hard toward them!" They wonder if they are really being proactive, or if they are just greedy, or if they are thinking of taking their accumulated wealth to the afterlife to pay tribute to Yama and be allowed to go to heaven...etc.
Even if I have nothing to do, I get hungry and want to sleep at night. So, if we only decide to get up on time, eat three meals on time, and go to bed on time, the rest of the time should be free. However, when I think about the pain of having nothing to do during that free time, I think it would be better to have some kind of hobby, but I also feel that it would be difficult to find the right balance between the two, because if I get too absorbed in that hobby, it may cost money and cause stress.
If life is 80 years, I have only 13 years left. I stare at my palm, wondering if I will be happy if I live through the rest of my days with nothing to do like my acquaintances....
I have things to do tomorrow, I am happy...
